How To Spot When Someone Is In Hypnosis: The Little Known Hypnotic Trance Signals

Recognizing the signals that happen around us everyday is important in itself. Accurate signal recognition is used to help us to see what is really happening around us and to realize the signals that tell us we are being successful in the things we do.
It is important to hone these signals in the field of hypnosis as well. If you are not attuned to the signals of trance then there is the possibility that you will be doing more work than you need to in order to alter the state of mind of the people around you. It is equally important to see things as they really are which will aid in your success of seeing the minor signals that light the way to trance.
In hypnosis there are very obvious signs that a person is entering an altered state of mind and there are subtle less obvious signs too. The most obvious signs include changes in breathing, a smoothness of facial features, attention absorption, involuntary muscle movements, lack of mobility and increased passive responses.
In this article we will go over the less obvious signs that you are putting a person into trance. These are the signals that will be more difficult to spot and will require a more focused sense of accurate signal recognition.
Always remember when you are looking for signals of trance that you are not looking for one specific item, you are looking for changes from the normal state of the person you are currently dealing with.
The first trance signal we will discuss is the change in pupil dilation. Change in pupil dilation is the change in size of the black center of the eye. This signal is harder to see for several reasons. There are outside influences that can tamper with the accuracy of your judgment in this signal.

The first being that the subject’s eyes may not be in your view, some people close their eyes when they are relaxed and others may be avoiding eye contact as they are feeling that they are in a vulnerable state. Another reason this is a more difficult signal to detect is the amount of observation it requires to see a change in something so small.
Changes in a person’s pupils can also result from changes in light, for instance sunny days and darker rooms will cause the pupils to change their dilation. This is an unavoidable interference as it is just the nature of the way the eyes react to the lighting around them.
When a subject’s pupils are reacting to hypnosis or an altered state of mind they will usually become larger.
Another little known trance signal that is difficult to spot is the pace of your subjects pulse. The heart rate of the person you are trying to put into trance will usually slow down as they are entering the altered state of mind. However this may also depend on the story you are telling or the mental pictures you are creating.
If you are using a relaxing set of suggestions the person’s heart rate will usually slow down. If you are using an exciting, dangerous, or suspenseful story the heart rate of the subject may increase due to the feelings you are producing with in them.
No matter which way the heart rate goes, if it is changing you can begin to believe you have successfully helped your client into the beginnings of hypnosis. The question in your mind now is going to be, “How can I tell the heart rate of my subject without touching them to feel it?”
This is the reason that this trance signal is harder to spot than some others. You typically don’t want to touch a person when they are totally relaxed and trusting you to guide them with conversation alone.
The only way to monitor their heart rate without physically touching them is to know where to look. There are specific areas on the body where the blood vessels are close to the surface under the skin. If you watch these areas closely you can usually see the heart beat of your subject. The best places to see this is at the side of the neck and across the ankle bone. Both of these areas generally have a visible heart rate.
Trance signal number three in the list of least obvious signs is to see a change in the blink reflex of your subject. This signal is easy to spot once you know it exists. The reason it is considered less obvious is simply because many people do not know about it.
The only reason you would have trouble monitoring this signal would be if you can not see your subject’s eyes or they have closed them, which could be a signal in itself. If you can see your subject’s eyes, however, you will be able to monitor how their blink reflex has changed from the way they normally blink.
Here you are looking for a rate of faster or slower blinking of the eyes. Some people stop blinking altogether, this is due to the eyelids becoming cataleptic. The eyelids simply become frozen for extended periods of time.
Similar to the blink reflex you will also want to watch for a change in the swallowing reflex of your subject. If there is a change here you can count it as a trance signal that the person is experiencing an altered state of mind. In this signal you are again looking for a slowing of the swallowing. Some subject’s even stop swallowing altogether.
The swallowing reflex is again is easy to recognize once you are aware that it signifies the beginnings of a trance, you simply watch their throat to see signs of swallowing. In this trance signal you may also notice that the eyelids grow heavy or the eyes close completely.


Often your subject will grow sleepy as they enter trance but many people will not close their eyes as they find it embarrassing to feel as though they have fallen asleep in front of another person, especially if that person is speaking to them.
Little known trance signal number five is a change in the skin color or tone of your subject. As many people start to relax the blood vessels in their bodies change as well. This allows the blood within to flow more freely through the body and causes slight changes in skin color and tone.
Some people get darker and some people will grow paler, this simply depends on the person. Either effect is completely normal and is the result of a physiological change that is also very natural.
Finally the last little known trance signal number six it the change in voice. This signal can be hard to detect if your subject is not speaking. Many people will have slower speech or a slower rate of talking when they are in an altered state of mind.
Another aspect of the voice that can change when in trance is the tonality of voice. There is not set standard of whether this goes up or down, you just need to listen for a difference from normal tones. Some people who have entered trance will just stop talking altogether; again look for signals that are different from the normal state of the subject.
These signals are less obvious than other signals and signs of trance that we have talked about previously. Some are harder to see and some are just lesser known than the others. At any rate they are good identifiers that you have succeeded in altering the state of mind of the people or person you are with.
Watch for them closely and keep your sense tuned for these minute changes in your subjects. Remember that the sooner you can conclude that your subject is in trance the sooner you can move on to the next steps in your hypnosis.

How To Spot When Someone Is In Hypnosis: The Most Obvious Hypnotic Trance Signals

Hypnosis is an art where it is vital that you know how to spot when someone is entering a trance. This can be done with accurate signal recognition systems as well as knowing how to asses trance signals.
Accurate signal recognition systems are important because they are your first clue that a person is responding to you hypnotically. The signals you can pick up on can be quite obvious or very minute; anything from the glazed look of entering a trance, whether produced by you or an outside source, to the smallest detail physical change.
Milton Erickson had a perfected eye for picking up on the smallest signals that people sent out. This is a perfection you as a hypnotist should strive for.
There are other obvious signals that a person is going into trance. We will get to discuss these here and you will learn how to tune into the different signals your subjects will be showing when they are entering a hypnotic trance.
During hypnosis when a person is very focused and beginning to enter a trance there are certain aspects of their physiology that will inevitably change. These are unconscious changes that occur without the conscious control of the person being hypnotized.
As we look at the different signs of trance it is important to note that not all signals will be the same for every person. Signal recognition systems are not a specific set of rules to follow.
It is your jobs as the hypnotist to attune yourself to the different subjects you have and realize what is different for each one. This is not about seeing one or two distinct signs from your subject, but distinguishing what is different for that person from the norm.
The most obvious signal that a person is entering into a highly focused state of trance is the change in their breathing. Usually the rate of breathing will slow as they are becoming more relaxed under trance. However there are subjects whose breathing will speed up as well.
The rate of breathing the person is experiencing is often dependant on the focus of your conversation. If you are asking them to relax into a trance their breathing will more than likely slow. If you are taking them through an exciting chain of events or they feel imposing danger their rate of breathing may quicken.
In order to tell if a persons breathing has changed you will undoubtedly have to be studying their body.
There are ways of doing this without getting slapped or punched. Of course you can monitor their chest to see the rate of breath, however this may seem offensive to some people. If you are monitoring their chest it is a good idea to do this with your peripheral vision. Staring straight on at someone’s chest, especially a female subject is never a good idea.
Other means of monitoring rate of breath is to watch the rise and fall of a person’s shoulders or rib cage. Both of these move with every breath you take and will be fairly obvious and easy to spot.
The second most obvious sign that a person is entering a hypnotic state is the smoothing out of facial features. If you have ever looked a person straight on in the face you will often notice that most people’s faces are not completely symmetrical.
As a person goes into a trance they muscles in the face begin to relax and their face will start to appear more symmetrical. The left side of the face will more closely match the right side.
This is a fairly easy signal to spot, especially if you are prone to looking at a persons face while talking to them. As they go into trance and you are looking at their face you will be able to see the muscles relaxing and the face visibly starts to even out.
As you are watching your subjects face for signs of evening out you may very well be able to pick up on the third most obvious signal at the same time. This is when a person’s attention is absorbed.
When a subject is going into hypnosis and their attention is being fully absorbed there are slight changes in their eyes that you will be able to see. The first is the eyes will become fixed on one spot in space. It may look as though they are ‘zoning out’ or staring at nothing in particular.
Another affect on the eyes of trance is they can become slightly glazed over or sleepy looking. Sometimes a person will show no eye movement at all. All these signs are showing you that a person’s attention is completely affixed and they are falling into a trance.
The fourth obvious sign of trance is involuntary muscle twitches. These are of course easy to spot and can almost be eye catching. They can be seen straight on or be easily spotted through your peripheral vision. Involuntary muscle twitches can affect any part of the body that has a muscle.
The bigger the muscle twitching the easier it is to spot. Many subjects will experience facial ticks or shoulder twitches, these are both within your line of vision and pretty noticeable. The twitching of muscles is caused by the cathartic process that the muscles experience when completely relaxed.
Number five on the list of obvious signs is almost the opposite of muscle twitches; it is the effect of immobility of the body. Sometimes when a person is going into a hypnotic trance they will stop moving all together.
This is easy to see especially if you are dealing with a person who normally makes a lot of hand gestures or has animated body language. If you are dealing with someone who rarely sits still you will almost immediately notice the lack of mobility of the body. If their movements begin to slow down or actually stop all together you will know they are entering an altered state of mind.
The final obvious signal in the six most obvious is the increase in passive responses given by a person. As many people enter an altered state of mind the will become less argumentative, more passive. This more agreeable demeanor will be much more willing to follow your lead. This is noticeable both as a changing personality trait and that it can ultimately make your job as the hypnotist easier.
The six obvious signals we have gone over here are easy to spot. Keep in mind as you experience new subjects and learn to put new people into trance you will probably discover other obvious signs that are unique to different individuals.
As you learn to spot as many signals coming from those around you going into altered states of mind you will become seasoned and be able to conduct your hypnosis quicker and easier than ever.
The skill of being able to spot when someone is entering a trance is really at the core of signal recognition systems and is easy to practice as people are constantly moving in and out of trances around you all the time.
Learning to spot these signals will also aid you in the future when you are learning to borrow trances already in progress.

The Importance of An Accurate Signal Recognitions System in Hypnosis

There are signs and signals that surround all of us everyday. Some of those signals come from people and others come from objects. There are signals that are concrete. These signals tell us when it is okay to cross the street, when to eat and when we should be sleepy.
There are also signals all around us that are not as obvious; an innocent flirtation, needs and feelings within others they need met and the signals of trance. It is true there are people around you everyday falling in and out of trances. Many times people do not realize the signals that are coming from those in trance.
At the beginning of hypnosis it is vital that you learn to recognize these signals. But before you can easily spot signals coming from others you must first teach yourself a few things.
You need to learn to see the world as it is. Plain and simple. Most people view the world as they want it to be. If you can learn to view things as they actually are you will be opening your mind to the truth of the world. When we see things the way in which we believe, or want to believe, things are we are deceiving ourselves.
As humans we are accustomed to seeing what we expect. We filter out what we don’t want and view the world, our lives and the lives of others in skewed terms. In order to see things as they truly are there are two things you must do for yourself.
The first is to recognize what is actually out there, whether you are viewing the world or your front yard. Keep your view simple and true, factual.
The second thing you need to do is to learn to recognize the signals that come when you are successful in a thing. Look for the signals that tell you are being successful in whatever it is that you are doing.
After you have learned to open your mind and do these two things successfully on a consistent basis you will be able to attune your ‘accurate signal recognition’ even further.
Milton Erickson was practiced and precise in his accurate signal recognition. Erickson was a leading psychiatrist, born in the early 1900’s. He specialized in medical hypnosis and family therapy. Erickson believed as many hypnotists do today that the unconscious was completely separate from the conscious. This included that the unconscious mind possessed its own awareness, interests, responses and learning abilities.
Milton Erickson was so precise in his recognition of signals that he could tell things about a person that they perhaps had only discovered moments earlier. He used his keen sense of signal recognition as he closely watched people and noticed things others would never see.
Erickson could tell a woman was expecting a child in the first weeks of pregnancy just by the tilt of her hips and movement of her hairline. When a woman is pregnant these things change in very small ways. The hair line moves by fractions, so little unless you were keen to the idea you would never notice. There are also changes within the body that affect the pelvis and its structure.
Erickson’s ability to read signals was so attuned he could read signals from subjects that other doctors never even realized. Once a woman visited him and was very skeptical about seeing yet another psychiatrist because no other psychiatrist had recognized her dilemma as of yet. Erickson told her immediately that he needed to know how long she had been a woman for.
He could tell simply from the signals she was sending out that she was really a man. Her body language was that of a girls who had not yet figured out how to work around new breasts. She would bump them as she moved her arms and gestured with her hands. Many people would just attribute this small signal as something that happens when one is not comfortable in their body. Or many may not have even noticed it at all, depending on the size of her chest I am sure.
Milton Erickson was noted for his signal recognition and it was fundamental in his success as a hypnotist. He knew, as you need to know now, that the smallest signals a person gives off can send a large amount of information your way.
Noticing changes in your subjects and the people around you is an important skill to perfect. Acute visual recognition can show you changes in the smallest detail. These changes and details are very important.
As you learn more about hypnosis and signal recognition systems it is important to focus on and develop them for yourself. This will aid you greatly in seeing the signals that someone is entering trance. It will also help in showing you when people are responding to your ideas and suggestions in the ways you want them to.
Signal recognition systems are a key tool in hypnosis. They can tell you volumes about a person once you learn to recognize and read the signals properly.
After all it is always good to know when a woman is actually a man, and if signal recognition can help you here it can more than likely help you any where.

How to Create Irresistible Curiosity With Rapport Hooks Using Hypnosis

Rapport is a key skill that you will need to master to be a successful hypnotist. Without rapport your subject will not be open to your hypnotic suggestions and communications.
Rapport is the harmonious relationship that you share with people. In this relationship you understand and relate to people’s feelings, ideas as well as communicate them well with one another. Everyone does this everyday with the different relationships they share with family, friends and co-workers.
In order to build a strong and wide rapport you will need to practice and perfect certain skills. Rapport in normal circumstances can often come easily. Think of how easily you share your life with a spouse or your best friend. The rapport here is focused and good, it comes easily and casually.
However hypnosis is not a normal or casual relationship. A deep amount of comfort, trust and familiarity must be established before you can reach your goals with a hypnotic subject. Remember they are going to let you into their mind this is not a place you open to just a perfect stranger.
As you are learning hypnosis you will want to focus on advanced strategies for building rapport. Creating and building on ‘rapport hooks’ is a great skill that will get other people to build rapport with you. Rapport hooks are going to do the work of drawing your subject into you as you get acquainted.
Rapport hooks are developed in a way that will keep people coming back to you to build on the relationship. It causes people to work hard and value the relationships they are building. If a person feels that they are working hard to build something they will also continue to work to maintain the past success they have had.
When you put rapport hooks into action, they will keep the person coming back for more information. The hooks will get your subject to keep asking questions, and coming back to fill in the informational gaps in you are purposefully leaving in your stories.
One way to get a person to keep coming back for that information is to give them small pieces of information that may not be complete. Leave questions in their mind as you tell stories. Give a casual tone, but leave what, why and how open for your subject to dig with.
The key here is to avoid forcing information on to them. Get your subject interested but leave your topics open by adding suspense and unfinished information.
For example, if you are telling a story about a place you visited, use the name of the country but give no specifics about where you went. Tell them the scenery is beautiful but let them ask about the region or sites you saw. Let them probe for these answers. You can do this with almost any topic.
While you are talking remember to use a casual tone and present the information in a way that inclines them to ask for more. If your subject’s curiosity is peaked they will be inclined to want to know more to the point of asking you.
In this manner you are elegantly giving them a good story and drawing them in as well. The more curiosity and interest the person has the more questions they will ask. Asking you questions is subconsciously earning them the right to the information and they begin to feel it is more important.
When you use rapport hooks it will also help you with fractionate rapport. Fractionate rapport happens when you giving rapport then consciously taking it away.
Give your subject your full attention for a while, then, distract yourself. Getting casually distracted by looking around or engaging your attention elsewhere will cause the subject to re-engage you. If the person does re-engage you then you are on board with the beginnings of a foundation for an advanced rapport.
Again this is causing the person to work for your attention. You give it, and then take your attention away. They then have to work to get it back. This makes the relationship more valued yet again because it is not being forced upon them. They are asking for it and earning it.
When using these advanced rapport building skills you will successfully push your rapport further, faster than normal. The more push and pull you involve in your conversations the quicker and deeper your rapport will go.
These skills will take your relationship to higher levels of comfort and trust quickly so a good and wide enough rapport is set to continue. Once this is founded and put into place you will be able to begin to put your subject into trance and begin the real work of hypnosis.

The Role Of Hypnotic Rapport In Hypnosis

Hypnosis is a deep and complicated process where the hypnotist and subject must have a wide rapport to support. When you participate in conducting a hypnotic trance your unconscious will be opened to them. Because of this it is important to have the experience you wish them to partake in at the forefront of your mind when starting the rapport.

Rapport is not a term generated just for use in hypnosis. It happens with everyone you come into conversational contact with. And the rapport you develop with your subjects is instrumental in conducting successful conversational hypnosis.

Hypnosis is anything but a casual relationship between two people. It is a deep connection that must be supported with good rapport. Anything you feel will unconsciously be projected upon the person you are trying to hypnotize. Because of this it is paramount that you learn to take your rapport skills out of the range of normal and beyond.

Hypnotic rapport is a time tested relationship. It has been present since people have been in existence. It is not fully understood and may never be, but it is very powerful.

Rapport is powerful in the sense that anytime a person around you experiences a trance they will inevitably take on a deeper connection with you and your unconscious mind. This deepens the trust between the participants and offers a sense of comfort in your company.

Going first, or ‘go first’ concept is an important one to become highly familiar with. In ‘go first’ you as the hypnotist must first enter the environment and experience you want your subject to have.

The reason you need to enter the experience before your hypnotic subject is so they will pick that experience up from your subconscious as they are in trance. Because every time a person goes into trance around you they develop an unconscious connection with you, if you have the experience at the forefront of your mind they will bring it back with them after the hypnosis is concluded.

As you begin to make hypnotic connections with other people you will be unconsciously exploring their mind as they will be making a connection with your unconscious as well. This is a powerful part of hypnosis. It allows each person to explore thoughts and ideas they never knew they had until that precise moment.

An example of this is prevalent in our everyday lives. We have all met people that we have a difficult time connecting with. You may have the same conversations over and over with little success in a real connection. It may seem that there is some sort of barrier up between the two of you. You never quite get past the small talk questions because you are not comfortable enough to advance into a deeper relationship.

This relationship is skewed because on an unconscious level these people are sub-communicating their sense of distrust and non ability to be comfortable around you. This atmosphere within in a person you are trying to connect with will shut down your thoughts and ideas. This will happen even before those thoughts and ideas have even had a chance to properly develop and come to your conscious.

On the other hand you probably meet people that you seem to have an instant connection with. In these situations it can seem that the thoughts and ideas are flowing from you endlessly. Ideas you never even realized you had come easily and seamlessly carry your listener. You are charismatic with these people, your ideas are good, and they come out well.

Split personality? No.

This is the way most people work. Those who are confident, comfortable and trusting in themselves often send out unconscious signals to others that produce the same effect in others. People who are not sure of themselves or comfortable will unconsciously cut off successful communications before they have had a chance to even try.

In hypnosis you will want to have the effect of the second situation. If you have a good rapport with your subjects and they feel comfortable and trusting around you they will be able to easily open up to you. You can aid in this process by making the mental environment even more comfortable by using the ‘go first’ method in hypnosis.

It is important to remember that hypnosis is no casual relationship. You want your clients and the people around you to feel as if they have known you for years and can open up to you anywhere.

Developing and instant rapport with a complete stranger is a skill that will attribute to your success as a hypnotist. This is established through good rapport. Good rapport can be established through different methods such as the ‘go first’ method.

The 3 Worst Mistakes Hypnotists Make in Building Rapport

When building a rapport with other people there are various mistakes that can be detrimental to the developing relationship. Three of the most common mistakes made when building rapport are trying too hard, being too nice and wanting something too much. All of these are easily remedied as are the three worst mistakes you can make when building a rapport with people. The key is being able to recognize the mistake and know the solution.

When refining the skill of building rapport the first of three detrimental mistakes you can make is to show a lack of genuine interest. This is shown through signals given off by body language.

When you are focused and genuinely interested in what another person is saying your body responds in ways others pick up on a subconscious level. These signals range from a change in body language and pupil dilation to your actual focusing signals.

If you are bored or showing disinterest people will often respond by turning off. They may show you that they are annoyed with you or simply lose interest as well. Two people having a conversation where neither is interested will damage rapport to say the least.

There are two solutions to this first problem. One is the idea of ‘tracking back’. Track back is similar to active listening. In track back you repeat the same words back to the speaker, in the same language they used. This shows you are interested, keeps your mind on track and clarifies what is being discussed.

You can also apply a track back frame in this skill. This is simply a set of words that frame the exact phrase you are repeating back. “So what you’re saying is…”

Active listening is different in that you repeat back what the speaker has said using your own words. The dilemma with this is that when you change the words and language you will often change the emotional meaning and tone of the words.

All language has a neurological effect on people and when you change the emotional meaning of a phrase you can accidentally change the entire meaning. If you change or lose the meaning of what your speaker is saying it may appear that you weren’t listening at all. Again creating the idea that you are disinterested in your speaker’s thoughts and ideas.

The other solution to this problem is to take the advice of Carl Rogers. Rogers was a great psychologist in the early 1900’s. Carl Rogers said that you should always have a high regard for the other person.

No matter what you think of them under other circumstances, if you are trying to build a lasting rapport you must find a way to convince yourself 100% what they are saying is worthy of respect.

When you accomplish this you will accomplish the task of opening up your speaker. You are saying with your body and subconscious signals that they will not be criticized or attacked; you are in a safe place. In order to develop rapport your subject needs to feel safe in order to share feelings and ideas with you.

The next horrible mistake you can make while trying to build rapport is to play the wrong role within a relationship. When two people are building rapport their relationship can fluctuate.

There are three different roles you can take on in every relationship you are creating. These consist of a high status, low status and equal status. This has nothing to do with your annual income it is merely a place within a relationship. For example an instructor usually has the high status in interaction with a student, and the student has the lower status.

Now it seems that status would naturally fall into place within conversation, right? The problem with this is that there are people who are unable to take on different status themselves. They need to be led into a new status.

If you are dealing with a person who only likes to be in a high status and you attempt to take away their role for yourself they will not be comfortable. In fact this will usually result in them disliking you and distrusting you.

You must learn to be a flexible communicator. If you have the ability to take on whatever status is necessary you will be able to open communication with anyone and start a rapport. Once you have done this you can slowly change your levels as they follow your lead and adapt to you.

Keep in mind the ‘pacing and leading’ principal here. You can only travel through the different status roles as quickly as your subject will comfortably follow.

The final vital mistake you can make in your rapport building is to neglect a wide rapport and build only a deep rapport. A deep rapport is when you base your entire interaction with a person on one subject, interest or environment. This type of rapport will get you deep in that area alone quickly.

It is in your better interest to have a wide rapport so people can relate to you on many different levels. A wide rapport gives a person many different experiences of you in many different environments, interests and subjects.

This is important as it does not limit you. Your subject can feel comfortable talking with you in many places about many different ideas, feelings and thoughts.

There are two ways to create wide rapport. One is to meet in different locations to conduct your interactions. This could be enjoyable but time consuming. The other is to develop wide rapport through story telling.

Story telling offers you an endless amount of places, topics, themes and ideas you can open your subject up to. The more sense of your complete personality they have the more comfortable they will be in building rapport.

As you continue to talk about different topics your subject will eventually be willing to open up to you about anything. There are many different techniques and uses for story telling that you will learn throughout your hypnosis training.

Now that you are aware of the common mistakes and pitfalls of building rapport you can use the simple solutions provided to refine your skills. Always keep in mind that the better your rapport building skills the better you will be in the act of hypnosis.

Now go forth and build elegant and beautiful rapport with everyone you know.

3 Most Common Mistakes Hypnotist Make in Building Rapport

Building rapport as a hypnotist is very important. As you improve your rapport skills you will be improving your overall skill as a hypnotist. In saying that it is important to be aware of the common mistakes made in building rapport.
The ability to have great rapport with your subjects is one of the first tools you will encounter needing as a hypnotist. Common mistakes made in this area are hard to identify as ‘mistakes’ unless you are aware of what they are.
The first most common mistake made is simply trying to be too nice. Of course you should be nice to people. But there is a point in time in certain relationships when the line must be drawn.
In order to develop a deep rapport with people you need to have full communication. This means that everything that needs to be said must be said, even if it is unpleasant. Not having full communication can disable you from sharing important thoughts, ideas and feelings.
The basic rule to follow here is to be nice but not at the expense of real communication. Say what needs to be said. If you do not the rapport will break down and a barrier will start to go up.
Most people have experienced one end or the other of trying to be too nice. One example is we are often too busy with politeness to show our true selves.
The other end of the spectrum is we encounter people who are trying too hard to be nice to us. Either way you look at it, a wall is constructed and these people remain casual acquaintances. We often have the same exact conversations with these people and never truly build a lasting rapport with them because there is no real communication happening.
The second mistake that is often made when attempting to build rapport is trying too hard. Yes this is closely related to the first mistake. When we try too hard we send signals of desperation. It shows that we are too eager to please or desperate for company.
No one likes to be surrounded with desperate people. The air of desperation often causes those around it to feel obligated or under a lot of pressure. Both of these feelings can completely shut down communication.
Trying too hard is a mistake that can lead to the “Law of Reversed Effect”. The “Law of Reversed Effect” means the harder you try, the more likely you will fail. This is because you are actually interfering with the unconscious process.
When you try too hard you are not falling into a gentle rhythm where rapport is produced you are trying to force a relationship that is not ready yet. Maintaining a sense of what needs to happen to create rapport is essential to your success.
Once you recognize what needs to happen you should let your unconscious take over and implement the steps itself. ‘Instant rapport technique’ will help with this later in another article.
The third mistake that is common in hypnosis is to want something from someone too much. This mistake is again closely related to the first two mistakes.
When we want something too much we often become pushy and overwhelming, especially so to the subconscious. Once an individual has pushed too much their counterpart will back off or become disinterested. Salesmen encounter this often.
There is a solution for this. ‘Fractionating rapport’ will help you to pace yourself in the amount of intimacy you seek. In fractionation you work on building a little rapport and then leave it alone for a while. Let the subject come and re-engage you. Each time you repeat the process you will be digging deeper and deeper into a comfort zone and building a strong rapport with the person.
This technique keep people in their comfort zones, and you are only stretching that zone a little each time you go through the motions. Soon conversation, give and take, push and pull will become a natural and familiar habit.
Being too nice to people, trying too hard and wanting something too much, all have simple solutions to help you become successful.
If you are being too nice to your subjects, stop and remember there is a point at which you must stop being nice to save the rapport.
If you are trying too hard with your subjects implement the ‘instant rapport technique’. This will allow the unconscious to send the normal rapport signals to you through your subject.
And if you want something too much, stop doing it and use fractionation. Soon over a small amount of time you will have built many steps to great rapport.
Being aware of these three common mistakes in building rapport will help you to not only avoid them but to improve you hypnosis skills further.